Humor and/or Wit

Stock Index is constantly on the coursedown, many solid banks
are on the edge of bankruptcy, Wall Street is down inpanic,
WHAT SHALL WE DO?!!! Just keep in mind that emotional
stresswould not help your health and take an antidepressant
from our store, now twice as cheap asin any other one.P.S And let
the crisis help himself!

Young Chuck moved to Texas and bought a donkey from a farmer for $100.

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.

The next day the farmer drove up and said, 'Sorry Chuck, but I have some bad
news, the donkey died.'

Chuck replied, 'Well, then just give me my money back.'

The farmer said, 'Can't do that. I went and spent it already.'

Chuck said, 'OK, then, just bring me the dead donkey.'

The farmer asked, 'What ya gonna do with a dead donkey?

Chuck said, 'I'm going to raffle him off.'

The farmer said 'You can't raffle off a dead donkey!'

Chuck said, 'Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead.'

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, 'What happened with
that dead donkey?'

Chuck said, 'I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars apiece and
made a profit of $898.00.'

The farmer said, 'Didn't anyone complain?'

Chuck said, 'Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.'

Chuck now works for Morgan Stanley.

...Ponzi went to several of his friends in Boston and promised that he would double their investment in 90 days...Ponzi started his own company, the "Securities Exchange Company," to promote the scheme...

THE LLOYD’s Prayer

Our Chairman,
Who Art At Goldman,
Blankfein Be Thy Name.
The Rally’s Come. God’s Work Be Done
On Earth As There’s No Fear Of Correction.
Give Us This Day Our Daily Gains,
And Bankrupt Our Competitors
As You Taught Lehman and Bear Their Lessons.
And Bring Us Not Under Indictment.
For Thine Is The Treasury,
The House And The Senate
Forever and Ever.
Goldmen.

In plain and simple terms this bill is a total sham and is in reality a backdoor Income Tax Increase and a complete takeover of 1/5th of our economy.

Let's see if I got this straight: We are going to pass a healthcare plan written by a committee head who says he does not understand it, passed by a Congress that has not read it, but nevertheless exempts themselves from it. Then it will be signed by a President who also has not read it, and who by the way, smokes; with funding administered by a Treasury Chief who did not pay his Income Taxes, overseen by a Surgeon General who is Obese and financed by a country that is bankrupt. What could go wrong?

A man was walking across a bridge one day and saw another man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So he ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" the man on the bridge said.

"Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Well... are you religious?"

“Yes.”

"Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?"

"Christian."

"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant? "

“Protestant."

"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist."

"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

"Baptist Church of God!"

"Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God!"

"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"

"Die, heretic scum!

Somali pirates have created an unofficial stock exchange to trade shares in their newly created 'maritime companies'.

It's open 24/7 in Haradheere and enables locals to participate in the upside of their offshore ransom operations by subscribing for shares in cash or hardware such as rocket-propelled grenades as per this quote ...

Piracy investor Sahra Ibrahim, a 22-year-old divorcee, was lined up with others waiting for her cut of a ransom pay-out after one of the gangs freed a Spanish tuna fishing vessel.

"I am waiting for my share after I contributed a rocket-propelled grenade for the operation," she said, adding that she got the weapon from her ex-husband in alimony.

"I am really happy and lucky. I have made $75,000 in only 38 days since I joined the 'company'."

A 16-year-old boy was arrested for allegedly raping a pig in Koronadal City in Mindanao, a radio report said on Tuesday.

Radio dzXL reported that the irate owner of the animal haled the suspect, whose name was withheld, to a police station in Koronadal City after learning of the act.

Mariano Curay, the owner of the unfortunate sow, said the incident occurred in Sarabia village in Koronadal City.

But the suspect was freed after a few hours, because the police could not file charges against him as he is a minor.

The incident came half a year after an 18-year-old farmer was arrested for allegedly sexually molesting – and killing - a two-year-old goat in Iloilo province after a drinking spree.

In that incident, the owner of the goat was shocked to see the suspect sexually assaulting the animal.

Police learned Rogie Calamaan went on a drinking spree after he had finished planting rice. The goat died after the assault, the report said.

Calamaan was quoted as saying he was going to gather the harvested rice when he saw the goat in a "prone" position, and took "interest."

He said he strangled the goat when it tried to resist his advances.