Humor and/or Wit

In plain and simple terms this bill is a total sham and is in reality a backdoor Income Tax Increase and a complete takeover of 1/5th of our economy.

Let's see if I got this straight: We are going to pass a healthcare plan written by a committee head who says he does not understand it, passed by a Congress that has not read it, but nevertheless exempts themselves from it. Then it will be signed by a President who also has not read it, and who by the way, smokes; with funding administered by a Treasury Chief who did not pay his Income Taxes, overseen by a Surgeon General who is Obese and financed by a country that is bankrupt. What could go wrong?

A man was walking across a bridge one day and saw another man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So he ran over and said "Stop! Don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" the man on the bridge said.

"Well, there's so much to live for!"

"Like what?"

"Well... are you religious?"

“Yes.”

"Me too! Are you Christian or Buddhist?"

"Christian."

"Me too! Are you Catholic or Protestant? "

“Protestant."

"Me too! Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"

"Baptist."

"Wow! Me too! Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"

"Baptist Church of God!"

"Me too! Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you reformed Baptist Church of God?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God!"

"Me too! Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915?"

"Reformed Baptist Church of God, reformation of 1915!"

"Die, heretic scum!

Somali pirates have created an unofficial stock exchange to trade shares in their newly created 'maritime companies'.

It's open 24/7 in Haradheere and enables locals to participate in the upside of their offshore ransom operations by subscribing for shares in cash or hardware such as rocket-propelled grenades as per this quote ...

Piracy investor Sahra Ibrahim, a 22-year-old divorcee, was lined up with others waiting for her cut of a ransom pay-out after one of the gangs freed a Spanish tuna fishing vessel.

"I am waiting for my share after I contributed a rocket-propelled grenade for the operation," she said, adding that she got the weapon from her ex-husband in alimony.

"I am really happy and lucky. I have made $75,000 in only 38 days since I joined the 'company'."

A 16-year-old boy was arrested for allegedly raping a pig in Koronadal City in Mindanao, a radio report said on Tuesday.

Radio dzXL reported that the irate owner of the animal haled the suspect, whose name was withheld, to a police station in Koronadal City after learning of the act.

Mariano Curay, the owner of the unfortunate sow, said the incident occurred in Sarabia village in Koronadal City.

But the suspect was freed after a few hours, because the police could not file charges against him as he is a minor.

The incident came half a year after an 18-year-old farmer was arrested for allegedly sexually molesting – and killing - a two-year-old goat in Iloilo province after a drinking spree.

In that incident, the owner of the goat was shocked to see the suspect sexually assaulting the animal.

Police learned Rogie Calamaan went on a drinking spree after he had finished planting rice. The goat died after the assault, the report said.

Calamaan was quoted as saying he was going to gather the harvested rice when he saw the goat in a "prone" position, and took "interest."

He said he strangled the goat when it tried to resist his advances.

read a news item a month or so ago about a guy got stopped at a mexican airport with about 100 ozs. it was confiscated and he was detained.

Put it in an unwrapped condom with some mayonnaise. No one will search further.

>If Steve Jobs were really skilled in ninjutsu, surely he would have been able to get those
>shuriken on his own private jet without a problem.

Such as:

“I don’t have any throwing stars on me, I checked those in with my baggage.”
“But Sir, you very clearly have them, they were found on your body and are right here before me as we are talking.”
“Of course. I’ve appointed myself to the role of the check-in agent and baggage handler of my plane. I checked them in, handed them over to the baggage handler and just about to put them into the baggage compartment. Problem…? {trollface grin}”

Shelby aka Jocelyn wrote:@Winter
> I think we basically agree

Disagree entirely with your characterization.

An anarchist lives the longest life (typically 80+), greatest natural health, has more wealth than he knows what to do with, and has more and better sex, more friends, is more competitive, usually more athletic, more knowledge, wiser, gives and receives more true love, is closer to his spirit, has more purpose, understand his/her existence, raises more and smarter offspring, juggles and solves Rubik's cube faster, laughs more, does a better Steve Martin impersonation, eats more peanuts, farts more and more odorously, has more armpit hair, walks or runs instead of waddles, etc..

Code:

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